Wacko Jacko World Exclusive
Random
Shite's intrepid investigative reporter and friend of the stars,
Mavis Davis, got this world exclusive interview from Michael Jackson just hours after he was found
innocent of gettin' jiggy. "First I'd like to thank my awesome following of nutter... fans
for their blind faith in getting me through the trial. It really touched me. And everyone
needs to be touched now and again."
He revealed that his plans for the future include a televised celebrity wrestling match with Martin
Bashir, "I'm gonna punk that bitch in the ring in front of millions of people. When I step
through those ropes I'm gonna beat that mutha-fucka black 'n blue! But first me and Bubbles
are hitting the town tonight. Bashir you're mine!!! You're mine you ho-bag bitch!!!"
Uri
Geller, spoon bending weirdo and freaky self obsessed friend of Jacko said, "I knew that would
be the result. When the Jury were delivering the verdict I concentrated and strained really hard
to channel all my positive cosmic energy towards them. At one point I strained a bit too hard
and followed through on one, but it was worth it in the end. Dirty pants are a price worth paying."
Jury foreperson, Mr. X said to reporters, "I just saw my watch start working and my lucky spoon in
my pocket felt like it was bending. At that point I knew he was guilt.. did I read out innoce..
awe shit..."
The Random Shite newswires are red hot, buzzing with reaction coming
in from all around the globe:
- Former football star OJ Simpson said, "This is the single greatest miscarriage of justice in American History."
- Rumours that the Live8 concerts were to be cancelled now that their purpose has been served go unconfirmed.
- Also unconfirmed are reports that George Bush is planning air strikes against Neverland.
- Jacque Chirac, still upset from the French public overwhelmingly voting him a twat, threw his rattle out of the pram and is demanding Jackson hands back his rebate.
- Apparently Jacko was planning a quiet celebration at home with a bottle of wine following the result of his legal trial. He told a media spokesman that he had a full bodied 12 year old in the cellar that he had been saving for a special occasion.
Why not add your comments to the millions flooding in by emailing us at
it-doesnt-matter-if-youre-black-or-white-or-guilty@randomshite.co.uk
