Things To Keep You Occupied During The Dark Winter Nights
Since James "Fuckity-Uppity" Callaghan decided to turn the fucking lights off for long winters of discontent, dysentery and
disestablishmentarianism in 1978, we have all had to cope with what meteorologists at the Met Office are now officially calling,
"Fucking awful, dark, shite weather".
Spidey little bastards can't hang about street corners drinking wikids, children have to be inside by 5pm so the Langham monster
can't get them in the dark, and cripples have to be careful where they place their crutches on the pavement in case they are caught
out as lying bastards.
Yes it's a fucking miserable time all round. However like the shining beacon of hope that we are, we've compiled a handy guide
of things to do to beat the winter blues:
- Many people enjoy roasting chestnuts, it’s a very autumnal activity. Then of course there is the big roast turkey for Christmas dinner, a winter tradition. Although for Rio Ferdinand the cold nights mean only one thing, warming up with the friction from roasting Wes Brown.
- Hiding in bushes and jumping out to scare old folk walking in the street is fun all year around, but winter is clearly the best time of year to do it, the darkness adds an extra 64% scare factor. Major bonus points are also available if it is icy and you make them slip and break a hip. Why, just last year a young rapscallion jumped out from a bush in front of Sadie and made her drop her pint of milk and Daily Sport. She knifed him though, so be careful choosing your targets.
- Dogging. Obviously.
- Carving pumpkins is also a popular pastime around this part of the year. Most people just carve off bits and leave it at that, however crazy Billy Corgan likes to carve bits of his pumpkins then put the pumpkins back together, then lose bits again. Weirdo.
- Fuck off to New Zealand.
Send in your winter activity ideas to
pert-nipples@randomshite.co.uk
