The History Of Easter

Easter used to be the end of six weeks of sugarless misery known as Lent.  Many biblical scholars will tell you that Lent represents the time when Jebus got on his bike and went to the desert for 40 days and 40 nights and didn't eat or drink (they got the name from that film about trying not to ride).  At least that's what he told his wreckin' crew, but we're pretty sure there was a KFC out there.

Except those scholars would be wrong, Lent is actually the time it took Jebus to pay back Judas £40 that he lent him on a night out on the beer with the lads.  Six bloody weeks he waited, and Jebus kept saying he'd forgotten his cash card, Judas even told him to ask his da for the money, but Jebus got angry and said something about not talking to him for never helping Southampton in the league, even though they are the Saints.

When Jebus did eventually pay him back, he was acting like a real martyr, which pissed Judas off a lot.  Jebus took all the lads out for dinner, insisted on sitting in the middle while some Italian dude took a picture on his camera phone for Jebus' Flickr site.

Judas was cool about it all at this point, until Jebus insisted on splitting the cheque, and refusing to stand the first round of beers in the pub.  So Judas went off to gorge on chocolate, a comfort eating trait he'd had since primary school, when Lazarus gave him a wedgie in front of the whole class.  He ate so much chocolate that he started to hallucinate that giant chocolate rabbits were laying giant chocolate eggs everywhere. Oh yeah, he was on acid too.

All of this was caught on CCTV and Peter used it to write an episode of "Apostles Say the Funniest Things When Strung Out," for Channel 5, which he later turned into a book called the Boble or something like that.

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