The Consequences Of Iceland Melting (Financially)

Anyone who can still afford to watch TV or buy a newspaper will have noticed that Iceland's banks have turned from ice to mush in the period of a week.  Iceland's currency the Króna has been so devalued that Icelanders are now using old Northern Bank notes as currency.  As a result of the meltdown Bjork is so sad that she is said to be wailing incoherently.  Although this not might be as a result at all, it's hard to tell.

Stocks in Kerry Katona's breasts have collapsed under the weight of the financial disaster for the owners of UK's least favourite food chain.  In such circumstances a normal person would cheapen themselves in order to make any kind of cash to survive the crisis but unfortunately for Kerry Katona she has nowhere to go in this respect.

West Ham are also owned by an Icelandic banker and are now fucked and will be shit.  So on the bright side the collapse will have absolutely no effect at Upton Park then.

We've also uncovered a confidential Iceland Government memo (it was under the fish fingers in aisle 2) that shows they are planning to save the few shillings they have left in their banks by cunningly replacing the 'c' in their name with an 'r', thus falling under the new Deposit Protection Scheme announced by Biffo and his Lads (official name of the Irish cabinet).  So now you can tell Gerry and Martin that the 26 counties is now 32, but don’t tell them Norn Iron still isn’t in them.

If you'd like advice on what to do with your money, email
just-burn-it@randomshite.co.uk