Speed Ain't Everything
Usain Bolt is a cocky little fucker. He can run 100m, in a straight line in
9.58 seconds, indeed, but so what? Sadie can piss
herself twice in that time, and Bob has been known to digest a 12oz steak in less than ten seconds. Why is doing something within
ten seconds a worthy achievement? Finishing in less that ten seconds is exactly the reason Mavis dumped Mick Jagger.
However, now that everyone is really kissing his ass and telling him that he is Sprinty McBrilliant, Mr Bolt is making wild claims of
things that he is going to do in the future. Before she collapsed and broke several of her hips, Mavis ran after Usain last night
and managed to find out the following things that he can do really quickly:
- Deliver your pizza in less than 30 minutes.
- Build Rome in less than a day.
- Re-record "Time Is On My Side" by the Rolling Stones, to be released only on 7 inch vinyl, which should be played at 46 rpm.
- Deliver all of the funny lines from The IT Crowd within 10 seconds and still have 10 seconds to spare.
- Publish a news based page on Random Shite within 28 days of the actual event happening.
If you think you can go faster than Mick Jagger, email Mavis at
i'll-jag-her@randomshite.co.uk
