Michael Jackson Dead – Journalists Weep
- Michael Jackson had sex with Bubbles the monkey
- Second autopsy removes Wacko's nose to sell it on eBay
- Macaulay Culkin says he will have plastic surgery to look like Jackson
- King of Pop's corpse to be stuffed and put on display at Neverland funeral
These are just some of the phrases that we hope will improve our ranking on Google.
So now that the child-loving, not-in-that-way, new Princess Diana is dead, who will replace him for Tabloid tittle-tattle? Never
mind column inches to fill, Michael Jackson has left several yards of gaping nothing in his wake. Journalists might be forced to do
real news now. Nah! They'll still write about the same old shit. So here are some people we think can help fill the void
left by the man of 100 hits and 1,000 faces...
Uri Geller
This cunt couldn’t even wait until "his bestest mate ever, ever, ever" Jacko had stopped twitching before his publicity
sucking face was all over Sky News trumpeting how great pals they were. It won't take much journalism to dig up some
dirt on this twatbag. We hear he only started bending spoons so he could abuse kids with them – that's right, you heard.
Madonna
Already a media whore, mad Madge has already made inquiries about adopting Wacko's kids, although she'll insist they are
flown to Africa before she picks them up.
Jade Goody
Jade is pissed off that she will not be the centre of attention at the end of the year when every newspaper and TV
show reminds us of everyone who died in the last 12 months, so she's being reincarnated and will die again next year.
George Michael
His name is half way there, he used to be in a popular music group when he was young, then he had a solo career, he has
latterly had run-ins with the long arm (and long penis) of the law, and he also has a face like a melting potato. He
ticks all the boxes!
Kerry Katona
This horrendous lumpen excuse for a homo sapien already soaks up more black and red ink than Pete Doherty and swine flu
combined. She's constantly getting doctors to suck out bits of her fat riddled carcass, which then enables her to go to
Iceland and buy their shit food to pile on the pounds again. For some reason women seem to fucking love reading about
her constant battle with being a repulsive twat. With Jackson out of the way and her being no stranger to the surgeon's
knife, this could be the year she really steps up to the plate. This time metaphorically.
If you think you have what it takes to replace Wacko, email
whos-bad@randomshite.co.uk
