Gordon Brownpant's Leaked Future Cabinet Plans

After a week of kerfuffles, reshuffles, elections and erections, Gordon Brownpants finally appears to have secured his premiership, until the next crisis.  One of the keys to his success has been playing musical chairs with the Cabinet.  Peter Mandelson appears to have been especially good at this game, managing to sit on at least 4 or 5 chairs when the music stopped.

Someone else who suddenly found his arse on one of Gordon's government stools was everyone's favourite TV business guy, Lord Suralun Sugar.  Despite Gordo claiming this is not a gimmick, Sadie (who is now Minister for Window Dressing) has leaked (to herself) Gordo's plans to appoint further TV folk to government roles and lordships over the coming months before he is finally sacked...

Simon Cowell

Will be brought in to put together a panel to review MP expense claims, some will make it through, others will be ridiculed for ever believing they had what it takes to be an MP.

Gordon Ramsey

Brownpants will claim he needs a new Minister to sort out the kitchen in Number 10, but in reality it is just a last ditch attempt to elevate himself to only the second least popular Scot called Gordon in the cabinet.

John Prescott

After seeing this laughable oaf play a fat, voter punching, halfwit Deputy Prime Minister on a TV show... oh, fuck!.. he was in the real government!

Big Cook, Little Cook

After the success that was Jamie Oliver saving fat kids from eating their classmates, Gordo will bring in the comedy cooking duo of Big Cook, Little Cook.  He really only needs Big Cook, but since they spent all that money on the special high chair for Hazel Blears he'll let Little Cook in too.

Jeremy Paxman

Jezza will be brought in as chief spokesperson for the Government, first interview will be on Newsnight where he will show Paxman how it's done.

Alan Shearer

Well it worked for Newcastle so, oh wait, no it didn't.

Darren from the 'Oaks

BECAUSE THEY WON'T GIVE HIM A GOOD FUCKING STORYLINE.

Just to clarify: Gordon has not stated that he would like Tony Adams in the Cabinet,
the only person who has suggested that Gordon may want Tony Adams is Tony Adams, and everyone except Tony Adams thinks that Tony Adams is a prick.
brownpants@randomshite.co.uk