Footballers Getting Arrested
Sports stars are peak physical specimens. They excel at running, jumping, throwing and hitting things. We
look up to them. We adore them. We masturbate to some of them. And our idols never let us down.
Well that's not true, our idols always let us down, the lazy, useless bastards.
Sports stars are always getting themselves into trouble, and over Christmas Liverpool’s favourite son and the dullest
man to play football since Alan Shearer, Steven "Stevie G" Gerrard found himself spending the night in a cell.
The story goes that Gerrard and a "DJ" in a discotheque were arguing over whether early Genesis was better than late
Genesis. Witnesses claim Gerrard was heard to shout, "I fuckin 'ate Peetar Gaaiiiibrieeeaaall, ya cuant!" as
he pummelled the poor DJ.
Gerrard is not the first and will not be the last to humiliate himself, and all the deluded Liverpool fans who worship
at the altar of his cock every weekend. We've cobbled together a list of the most famous sporting arrests...
Manchester United's Nani got arrested after police received a tip-off that he had stolen a locket of Cristiano
Ronaldo's pubes from Anderson. When they raided his house they didn't find Ronaldo's cock wig, but did find
Anderson in the bogs with a copy of Prostitutes Weekly. No charges were made, but Nani is still shite.
Peter Crouch was arrested because he's legally too tall to fuck Abbey Clancy unless she wears a 4 inch hat.
Peter Beardsley was arrested for being too ugly, he escaped however, when the police officers questioning him
died after looking directly into his ugly face.
Nobby Stiles was the first footballer to be arrested for nobbing.
Jamie Redknapp should be arrested for being the worst pundit ever (after
Crooks).
Dirk Kuyt was arrested for chasing cars down the street and barking at them.
Darren Anderton was going to be arrested for two-touching, but he was too sick.
Zinedine Zidane was arrested for having more than one Z in his name, a crime punishable by beheading in France.
Martin Keown was never arrested, but we should inform you that he has a face like a knacker.
Joey Barton was arrested for beating a disabled puppy to death with the spine of a bed-ridden nun that he had
killed earlier that morning with a pickaxe. Joe Kinnear is standing by him. Just as he was standing
by him at the time.
And finally, Stephen Ireland was arrested for the following crimes against humanity...
If you want to see another football related crime, watch football on ITV.
dont-drop-the-soap@randomshite.co.uk
